Top 10 Audiophile Conversion Techniques

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by Josh Ray on December 22 '06

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It's that time of the year again where non-audiophile family members stare at your speakers and wonder who your real parents are. So when the conversation lulls and people are too stuffed with turkey and Seas candies to put up a fight, nows the perfect time to vindicate your beloved hobby and hopefully make a few audiophile converts. In the spirit of holidays, here's the SonicFlare guide to fostering audiophile addiction:

1. Start off with, "It's like a live concert in your living room!"

2. Then follow with, "Hi-fi can be yours for under $1000!" and "iPods are the awesomest!"

3. Never, ever talk about power cables. Actually, all cables in general, especially your $6k plutonium interconnects.

4. Play music people will actually enjoy, not strings and female vocals.

5. Work the pop culture angle with, "audio is all the rage with celebrities and musicians." Or just lie, "Johnny Depp owns these speakers."

6. Replace "audition pre-amplifiers" with "hifi-in-a-box."

7. For the young male crowd: "Studies show high quality music is the number one aphrodisiac."

8. For the young female crowd: "Studies show high quality music makes your hair shiny."

9. After playing your rig, have bleach ready to throw in the eyes of people who say, "sounds like my Bose Wave Radio!"

10. Finally, crank up the sub.

With any luck, next Christmas you'll find audiophile cheater plugs and silver gunk in your stocking instead of mints and playing cards. Remember, nothing brings family together like the finer points of perfect polarity!

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